I have difficulties going to bed early, or simply going to bed when I'm tired. If it's not late (1:30 am+) then I won't go to bed. For some reason, I really cherish the hours after 21-22:00..I'm part of a family of 6, so getting alone-time hasn't always been easy...especially not when you're Asian - "what's that have to do with anything", you might think- welp..according to Hofstede's theories of cultural dimensions, Asian countries are pretty high on the "collectivism"-scale.....it's all about interdependence...the group- or in my case, the family as whole, and not so much about what you (the individual) want...it's about what the group (note:family)wants...my mom is all about family--everything she does is for the family, and she prefers-above all things- to be with the family (given that Jesus is taken out of the alternatives, of course,,cause if she could choose between Jesus and her family, Im sure Jesus would be her first choice...lol...but then again, she says God's/Jesus' presence is everywhere so, never mind....yah, my mom is also VERY religious)...
Anyhow...so, it's all about spending as much time with the family as possible..and, contrary to my older sister, I love any alone-time I can get. My sister, on the other hand, either needs or prefers to have people around her...this is a lot of rambling on about nonsense just to say that; I think the reason why I like staying up late is because that's when everyone (in my family) has gone to bed, and I can kinda get the house for myself. If you - by this time - are wondering why I just don't move out (which I have now, given that my job is in another country)then I'm just gonna refer you to one of my first blog posts;-)....so yes, when I was back home, I liked staying up late cause that was when I could get quiet time...and be alone =) Just like my sister can't understand why, or how I can like being alone (she also feels sorry for strangers who seem to be sitting somewhere alone, by the way..lol...she goes "oh, look at that guy sitting there alone,,,I feel so sorry for him!" Lol! she's hilarious.) I don't really understand how, or why some people just need to, or want to be around other people all the time..don't get me wrong, I like people... I just genuinely think we spend most of our time surrounded by people, so how some people just feel that they need to spend even more time with other people after having spent time with lots of people at- let's say work- is a bit of a mystery to me....there's people everywhere!!See! even in this blogpost, there's "people" all over!! =P...my point is...I like my alone-time =) ..no-no, I LOVE my alone-time.I'd go as far as saying I <3 my alone time =P..
I'm not a big fan of big social gatherings..I like being in small groups of 2-3..... or 5----maximum (lol)....I just think the conversations are better when you're in smaller groups. When thinking about how much time we spend with people, or being surrounded by people, it also makes me think about how influenced we are,,I mean, everyone is influenced and affected by the people around them - some more than others, of course--- so, the time you get to be alone is precious 'cause it's a good time to reflect or think about stuff..anything...just random stuff - like this blog post =P- without any direct influence from other people....
The other night I couldn't sleep, and I started to think about my current situation...alone, in a foreign country, with one main purpose - work. Never, in my entire life did I think that I was going to end up where I am now. I'm still amazed by the fact that I got hired, and I'm still convinced that I somehow got through the loophole...,that maybe some day they'll realize that I'm not at the same level as my colleagues and just fire me.. :-/ ...anyhow....my thoughts started rolling..."what am I doing?...where will I be years from now? What is the meaning of me being here? What am I supposed to do with what I know? WHat is the meaning, or purpose of my existence?!"...yah,,,I totally went down that road..lol...Then, I guess my own thoughts bored me so much that I actually managed to fall asleep, haha,,,=P.. I don't know what I am supposed to do with my life, or where it will take me, but one thing is sure...I am very glad that I get to do this alone..(the "wondering-what-to-do-with-my-life thing) without direct influence from people who know me, or think they know me...years from now, I'd like to be able to say that most of my decisions in my life were conscious decisions made by me (with a hint of subconscious influence from others, of course,..cause that's just the reality of life, right?)...I'd like to live with no regrets..I don't want to look back and think that opportunities were missed because I held myself back by allowing others to hold me back...so, I don't know what and where I'll be..I'm just gonna play it by ear and take it from there...
until next time... ;-)
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