I must confess that I've spent a whole lot of money lately. Consumption of material things that I don't really need, per se...but, want. Whatever I want, I buy - little restrictions.. I do feel guilty about it, but then again, I don't own a credit card (not counting the company card), so I'm not really spending money I don't have;-) Also, I've made up a little story in my head to justify my actions:
I live alone in a foreign country, and so I often feel that I deserve to treat myself with nice things- I am, after all, all alone over here----=P A girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do...and when a girl lives in a country where literally every single subway station is linked to a huge mall,,a girl's gotta explore, and shop.-----Think about it, if there is ever a time to be a little selfish (Consciously, that is, cause we were all selfish as kids without really knowing it) it is now: I have no car loan, or mortgage, and no kids to worry about...before merging the economy with a partner, and having to save up for "adult-stuff" (=P), should I not be allowed to enjoy myself?...hummm?!.... I think I should=)
They say that people who live alone are statistically less environmentally friendly compared to households of 2-3+ people. Less environmentally friendly in terms of water and electricity usage, that is, ('cause when it comes to recycling, I do that quite religiously). One of the reasons for that, they say, is because people who live alone tend to feel the need to treat themselves extra well exactly because they are alone- regardless of whether their solitude was by their own will or not....Which leads me back to the first sentence of this blog post..I've spent a lot of money lately :-/
This one I bought in Dublin..so it doesn't count into what I've spent here in Singapore....=P
Have I managed to collect 15 pairs of shoes since I came...yes, I might have...
Do I feel guilty,,,yes, very much so..
But, do I regret? No, no, I don't.
When packing up to leave Ireland, I realized how much stuff I'd bought, and how I'd bought it simply because it was cheap. But, then again when you move from Norway- where the price of a McDonald's menu is around 17US dollars (ain't no such thing as a "dollar menu" in Norway, ya'll)- then everything in comparison feels cheap..I was bound to fall into the trap of buying things simply because it was so darn cheap. When I left, however, I realized that I actually didn't like, or appreciate, the items that I'd bought that much...simply because they were so cheap, and of course, felt so cheap. When having to prioritize on what I was to bring to singapore, and what to give away ('cause I didn't have time to sell it all), I ended up giving way 1/3 of all my things...some of the items I left behind, or threw away still had tags on it....it's not something I'm proud of..but, it's something that hit home. I don't appreciate cheap stuff, so I should simply stop buying stuff just because they're cheap.....The problem now, of course, is that I shop equally as much as I used to, but the stuff that I buy are a tad more pricey:-/ ...
I thiiink,,,I thiink I've got a bit of the shopping craze out of my system, though. I did, after all move from a colder country, so it's not as if I had a lot of summer shoes,,,now, I should be ok...right? and now that I have the perfect black bag that I've been looking for, and the more casual and laid back brown bag that I'd also been hunting for..then there should be no need to browse the malls, right?
ANyhow..changing subject now.
Take the preparations for the national day, for example,,,the entire city was covered by banners with pictures of people of different color, and the slogan "we love Singapore"..it was so...weird...I perceived it to be a little bit fake..you know,,like those online shopping channels..where people act all super friendly, and are overly eager when talking about some machine that can peel carrots or something along that line...the Singaporean flag was hung up all over the place...but, they were hung up in such perfect order...I'm not sure if I found it to be nice, or just creepy...too good to be true? I dunnoo.....
It's still a bit weird to me to be surrounded by people who "look like me"...to be surrounded by Asians. I was born and raised in Norway, so caucasians have always been in the majority. Now, I am a part of the majority. From a physical appearance point of view, I actually find it a bit challenging. I mean, before, while still living in Norway, and when surrounded by ethnic Norwegians, Swedish, Danish, Iranian, or Pakistanis etc, my physical looks couldn't really be compared in the same way as it can now. I mean, it's weird to say, but, now my looks can kinda be bench marked against the other Asians :-/ Do you get what I mean? And, I'm not sure if I like that...I think I actually prefer to be a part of the minority group..and have my looks belong to a smaller group of people in NOrway, where it can - from an ethnic point of view- only be compared with a few.
When it comes down to it, I find that Singapore - as a country- is more obsessed with beauty, looks, and materialistic things, than Norway is. That's just my perception, and my opinion. Or, maybe the countries are equally as engaged in those matters, but I definitely feel that the way beauty and materialism is dealt with here feels more "extreme" than in Norway. Never in my life have I seen so many Gucci, Prada, Chanel, and what have yous, on the arms of women in the streets. And, hey, I'm not saying that I'm not influenced. I'm just saying that materialism is different here than in Norway. In Norway, most people own expensive ski equipment, their parents may own a cabin, if they (people around my age) just got a job and have saved up some money- they may have bought themselves their first apartment..most Singaporeans don't own their first home until they get married... .in Norway, beauty and health is strongly linked to hitting the gym as often as possible, going out to the woods, or mountain- where their cabin is -to take a hike...and eating healthy dark rye bread....
Over here, I don't see so much promotion of a healthy life style in the same way as Norway. The gyms here feel more like exclusive clubs meant for expats, and most of the girls/women here may be thin, but not the kind of thin that is a result of exercise..they're either just naturally thin (genetics), or perhaps very careful with their diet. Fair skin is preferred, as opposed to the tan one that the western countries prefer, and my- oh-my, the amount of beauty products that is offered here...I don't know what else to say but: Wow! There are stickers that you can place on your lids to create the illusion of a double eyelid, there are contact lenses that will give you the doll-like-appearance, bleach creams that will make your skin fair, and even slimming creams that supposedly will slim your body and face down (lol).
I learned - from a course I took in counseling- that instinct about another person isn't a magic feeling only a few people have, but it's more about how you feel when you're around that person. It's whether that person makes YOU feel good about yourself or not....Singapore does not make me feel good about myself. Singapore makes me feel like I should be fairer, prettier, and much much skinnier.
I once discussed health and body image with another girl at work once, and I told her that I just wanted to get to a place where I could feel really comfortable and happy with my body....however, she only heard the last part..the part where I said "happy with my body"..and she was quick to react in a very surprising way, and said: "really?!"...she thought I said that I was happy with my body,,,and she was surprised.......I corrected her, saying that I'd like to be happy...but you know us girls,, we're never happy, or satisfied. But, it hit me..that she certainly wouldn't be happy with my body, given her reaction. OK..sooo, I happen to have some junk in ma trunk =P ..it's not a common thing for an Asian woman to have a bit of ass....lol. And, as much as I tried to get rid of my butt and thighs when I was younger, I've come to realize that:
- guys actually like those body parts
- I can NEVER get rid of it...trust me, Ive tried! lol
Maybe it's not the country that is so obsessed with beauty and materialism....Maybe it's more the fact that my close ones, the ones that keep my feet on the ground, and who make me feel good about me as I am...are far far away from here. The ones that make me feel good about myself are not in Singapore.. how is Singapore, you ask?
It's OK. But, its not Norway
